Coffee Chat Etiquette: DOs and DON'Ts for IB Networking

The coffee chat is your first real test in investment banking recruiting, and it happens long before you sit down for formal interviews. These 20-30 minute conversations with current bankers can make or break your recruiting efforts, yet most candidates approach them with the wrong mindset or poor preparation.

Unlike formal interviews where the structure is predetermined, coffee chats put you in the driver's seat. You're responsible for driving the conversation, asking thoughtful questions, and creating a memorable impression that makes bankers want to advocate for you internally. The bankers you meet aren't just answering your questions; they're actively evaluating whether you'd fit on their team and whether they'd want to work 80-hour weeks alongside you.

In this guide, we'll break down the essential etiquette rules for investment banking coffee chats, the common mistakes that immediately disqualify candidates, and the strategies that help you build genuine relationships with bankers. Whether you're reaching out for your first coffee chat or looking to improve your networking effectiveness, these principles will help you navigate these critical conversations with confidence.

Before the Coffee Chat: Preparation DOs and DON'Ts

Preparation separates memorable candidates from forgettable ones. The bankers you meet can immediately tell whether you've done your homework or you're just going through the motions of networking. Your preparation should go far beyond reading the firm's "About Us" page.

DO research the specific banker you're meeting:

Review their LinkedIn profile thoroughly, noting their undergraduate institution, previous roles, deal experience, and any shared connections or interests
Look up recent deals their group has closed using press releases, Pitchbook, or financial news sources
Identify specific transactions they may have worked on based on their tenure and the group's activity
Note any personal details they've shared publicly (hometown, hobbies, sports teams) that could create natural conversation points

DO prepare your elevator pitch:

Craft a concise 60-90 second summary of your background, what sparked your interest in investment banking, and why you're speaking with this specific person
Practice until it sounds natural and conversational, not rehearsed or robotic
Tailor it slightly for each conversation based on the banker's background or group
Include a specific reason why you're interested in their particular firm or group

DON'T rely on generic questions you could answer with a simple Google search. Questions like "What does your bank do?" or "What's investment banking like?" signal that you haven't done basic preparation and waste valuable conversation time.

DON'T prepare a rigid script of questions that you robotically march through. While you should have 5-7 thoughtful questions ready, the best coffee chats flow naturally like real conversations, not interrogations.

Master interview fundamentals: Practice 400+ technical and behavioral questions with our comprehensive prep platform, download our iOS app for on-the-go interview preparation.

Opening the Conversation: First Impressions Matter

The first 60 seconds of your coffee chat set the tone for the entire conversation. Most candidates either open too stiffly (sounding robotic and uncomfortable) or too casually (lacking the professionalism bankers expect).

DO start with genuine appreciation:

Thank them for taking time out of their busy schedule (and mean it, bankers work 80+ hour weeks)
Acknowledge if they're particularly busy, for example: "I really appreciate you making time during earnings season"
Express specific interest in speaking with them based on something you researched

DO establish rapport early:

If you have a shared connection (same school, mutual contact, hometown), mention it naturally within the first few minutes
Reference something specific from their background that interested you: "I saw you worked in TMT at Goldman before moving to Evercore, I'd love to hear about that transition"
Keep your tone professional but warm, you're building a relationship, not conducting a formal interview

DON'T launch immediately into questions without any pleasantries or context. Starting with "So, I have some questions for you" sounds transactional and uncomfortable.

DON'T overshare personal information or get too casual too quickly. While you want to build rapport, remember this is still a professional interaction that will influence whether they recommend you for interviews.

The tone you establish in the opening will carry through the entire conversation. Aim for the sweet spot between overly formal and inappropriately casual: professional, warm, genuinely curious, and respectful of their time.

Asking Questions: The Heart of the Coffee Chat

The questions you ask reveal more about you than the answers you'll receive. Thoughtful, specific questions demonstrate preparation, genuine interest, and the analytical thinking bankers value. Generic questions suggest you're just going through the motions.

DO ask open-ended questions that encourage storytelling:

"What's the most interesting deal you've worked on, and what made it challenging?"
"Why did you choose [Bank Name] over other offers you had?"
"How has your experience in [specific group] differed from what you expected?"
"What's something you wish you'd known before starting in investment banking?"

DO dig deeper with follow-up questions when something interests you. If a banker mentions working on a $2 billion cross-border acquisition, ask about the specific challenges of that transaction. Follow-ups show you're actively listening, not just waiting for your turn to ask the next scripted question.

DO ask about their specific experience:

"I saw your group advised on [Company]'s sale last quarter. What was your role on that deal?"
"How does deal flow in [their sector] compare to other groups you've observed?"
"What type of companies does your group typically represent, buy-side or sell-side?"

DON'T ask questions easily answered by Google or the firm's website. "How many offices does your bank have?" or "What sectors does your bank cover?" waste valuable time and signal poor preparation.

DON'T ask about compensation, hours, or work-life balance in your first coffee chat with someone. These topics are appropriate later in the process or with mentors you've built stronger relationships with, but they send the wrong signal early on.

DON'T make the conversation feel like an interrogation. While you're technically asking the questions, the best coffee chats feel like natural conversations where you're both engaged and the discussion flows organically between topics.

Get the complete guide: Download our comprehensive 160-page PDF covering all networking strategies and behavioral frameworks, access the IB Interview Guide for detailed networking templates and scripts.

For more guidance on the networking process, check out our guide on networking email templates for investment banking.

During the Conversation: Engagement and Presence

How you conduct yourself during the coffee chat matters as much as what you say. Bankers are evaluating your communication skills, professionalism, and whether you'd represent the firm well in front of clients.

DO actively listen and engage:

Take mental notes of key points they make (but don't frantically scribble everything down like you're transcribing)
Show you're listening through verbal acknowledgments ("That's interesting," "I hadn't thought about it that way") and non-verbal cues (nodding, eye contact, leaning in slightly)
Reference earlier points they made later in the conversation to show you retained the information

DO find opportunities for personal connection:

If they mention they're from Chicago and you grew up there, share that connection naturally
If they worked in healthcare before banking and you have pre-med background, explore that common ground
If they mention they played a sport or have a hobby you share, briefly connect on that personal level

DO be honest about what you don't know. If they ask whether you've taken accounting and you haven't, say so. Trying to fake knowledge is far worse than admitting gaps you're working to fill.

DON'T dominate the conversation by talking too much about yourself. The 80/20 rule applies: they should be talking 80% of the time, you 20%.

DON'T check your phone, glance at your watch, or show any signs of distraction. Even if the conversation isn't going as planned, maintain full engagement and professionalism throughout.

DON'T trash talk other banks, groups, or people. Banking is a small world, and the banker you're speaking with likely has friends at the firms you're criticizing. Stay positive and professional.

Wrapping Up: Closing Strong

The last few minutes of your coffee chat are critical for leaving a positive final impression and setting up next steps. Many candidates fumble the ending by either running over time, ending abruptly, or failing to establish clear follow-up.

DO be mindful of time:

If they offered 30 minutes, start wrapping up around the 25-minute mark unless they clearly want to continue
You can say something like: "I know you need to get back to work, just one last question..." to signal you're respecting their time
Let them decide if they want to extend the conversation

DO ask about next steps if appropriate:

"What would you recommend as next steps for someone interested in [their group/bank]?"
"Would it be helpful if I sent you my resume for any feedback?"
"Are there other people on your team you'd recommend I speak with?"

DO express genuine gratitude:

Thank them specifically for insights they shared: "Your perspective on the differences between sell-side and buy-side M&A was really helpful"
Acknowledge their time investment: "I know you're incredibly busy, so I really appreciate you making time for this"
Make it personal: "This conversation confirmed my interest in [their group/bank]"

DON'T ask them directly if they can "get you an interview" or "put in a good word for you" in your first conversation. If the chat went well, they'll offer to help without you asking. Being too transactional too quickly damages the relationship.

DON'T run over time unless they're clearly enjoying the conversation and extending it themselves. Respecting their time shows professionalism and self-awareness.

After the Coffee Chat: Follow-Up Excellence

Your follow-up after the coffee chat can be just as important as the conversation itself. The way you handle the post-chat relationship demonstrates maturity, professionalism, and genuine interest versus transactional networking.

DO send a thoughtful thank-you email within 24 hours:

Reference specific insights they shared that you found valuable
Mention any resources or contacts they offered to share and confirm you'd appreciate receiving them
Keep it concise (4-6 sentences maximum) and genuine
Proofread carefully, typos or errors in a thank-you email are particularly damaging

Example structure:

Subject: Thank you for your time today

Hi [Name],

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me this morning. Your insights on [specific topic they discussed] were particularly helpful, especially your perspective on [something specific they said].

I really appreciated hearing about your experience on [deal/topic], and it reinforced my interest in [their group/bank]. If you're willing to share the articles you mentioned about [topic], I'd be grateful.

Thanks again for your generosity with your time.

Best, [Your name]

DO stay in touch appropriately:

Don't disappear after the thank-you email if they were helpful and the conversation went well
Reach back out every 2-3 months with a brief update on your recruiting progress, relevant accomplishments, or to share an article related to something you discussed
Add value when possible, if you come across an article about their sector or a deal in the news, share it with a brief note

DON'T follow up multiple times if you don't receive a response. Bankers are extremely busy, and if they don't respond to your thank-you email or first follow-up, move on professionally.

DON'T ask for another coffee chat immediately after the first one unless they specifically suggested it. Give the relationship time to develop naturally.

If you're managing multiple coffee chats and networking conversations, consider reviewing our post on how to structure your investment banking recruiting timeline to stay organized.

Common Coffee Chat Mistakes That Kill Your Chances

Certain mistakes are so damaging they can eliminate you from consideration, even if the rest of your profile is strong. Bankers share information about candidates internally, and a bad coffee chat reputation spreads quickly.

Showing up unprepared:

Not knowing basic information about the bank, the group, or the person you're meeting
Asking questions easily answered by the firm's website or a basic Google search
Having no questions prepared because you "wanted to keep it conversational"

Being too transactional:

Treating the coffee chat like a checkbox in your networking spreadsheet rather than a genuine conversation
Asking directly for referrals, interviews, or "a good word" in your first interaction
Following a rigid script of questions without actually engaging with their answers

Demonstrating poor judgment:

Asking about compensation, hours, or "exit opportunities" in your first conversation
Trash talking other banks, especially their competitors or alumni firms
Oversharing personal information or being inappropriately casual
Checking your phone or showing disengagement during the conversation

Communication failures:

Talking too much about yourself and dominating the conversation
Giving overly long, rambling answers when they ask about your background
Using excessive financial jargon to try to impress them (it has the opposite effect)
Failing to send a thank-you email or sending one full of typos

Lack of enthusiasm or curiosity:

Not asking follow-up questions when they share interesting information
Seeming disengaged or going through the motions
Failing to research their specific background or recent deals
Not demonstrating genuine interest in their experience or perspective

The bankers you meet are evaluating whether they'd want to work alongside you during intense deal cycles. Any behavior that suggests you'd be difficult to work with, unprofessional, or lack the judgment needed for client-facing work will disqualify you quickly.

Building Genuine Relationships, Not Just Networking

The most successful candidates view coffee chats as relationship-building, not transactional networking. The difference in approach fundamentally changes how bankers perceive and remember you.

Transactional networkers:

Reach out only when they need something (interview referrals, resume reviews, job leads)
Follow rigid scripts that feel rehearsed and impersonal
Disappear after getting what they wanted
Treat every banker the same regardless of connection or conversation quality

Relationship builders:

Reach out because they're genuinely curious about the banker's experience and perspective
Allow conversations to flow naturally based on shared interests and authentic curiosity
Stay in touch with valuable updates or relevant information, even when they don't need anything
Differentiate their approach based on how well the initial conversation went

The key difference is authenticity. Bankers can immediately tell when someone is genuinely interested versus going through networking motions. The former leads to advocates who want to help you; the latter leads to polite conversations that go nowhere.

To build genuine relationships:

Find real common ground beyond just career interests (shared schools, hometowns, hobbies, sports teams)
Remember details they share about their lives and reference them in future conversations
Add value when possible by sharing relevant articles, making introductions, or offering help with campus recruiting
Be patient with relationship development; the strongest advocates are often people you've stayed in touch with over months, not weeks

For more insights on building long-term banking relationships, read our guide on investment banking groups and culture.

Virtual vs. In-Person Coffee Chats: Adapting Your Approach

The rise of remote work has made virtual coffee chats increasingly common, but the format requires some adjustments to maintain the same level of connection and professionalism.

Virtual coffee chat considerations:

DO optimize your setup:

Test your technology beforehand (camera, microphone, internet connection, Zoom/Teams settings)
Choose a professional background or use a subtle virtual background, avoid distracting settings
Ensure good lighting so they can see your face clearly (natural light from a window or a desk lamp)
Position your camera at eye level and maintain eye contact by looking at the camera, not your own image

DO maintain engagement virtually:

Minimize on-screen distractions by closing unnecessary tabs and putting your phone away
Use your video presence effectively with engaged facial expressions and occasional nodding
Speak clearly and pause slightly more than you would in person to avoid talking over them due to audio lag

DON'T let the virtual format make you less professional. Dress as you would for an in-person coffee chat (business casual at minimum), avoid eating or drinking during the call unless they do first, and treat it with the same importance as a face-to-face meeting.

In-person coffee chat advantages:

When you do have the opportunity for in-person coffee chats, they offer distinct advantages for building stronger connections. The personal rapport developed face-to-face tends to be stronger than virtual interactions, and casual moments (walking to the coffee shop, waiting in line) often lead to the most genuine conversations.

For in-person meetings:

Arrive 5-10 minutes early to ensure you're not rushed or late
Offer to buy their coffee (though senior bankers will usually decline or insist on paying)
Choose a quiet location if you're suggesting the venue, avoiding overly loud coffee shops where conversation is difficult
Bring a small notebook and pen in case you want to jot down a book recommendation or contact name, but don't transcribe the entire conversation

Key Takeaways

Coffee chats are your first real test in investment banking recruiting and your best opportunity to build relationships that lead to interviews and offers. The candidates who succeed approach them as genuine conversations, not networking checkboxes.

Essential principles to remember:

Preparation is non-negotiable: Research the banker, their deals, their background, and prepare thoughtful questions that show you've done your homework
Drive the conversation but don't dominate it: You're responsible for asking questions and keeping things flowing, but they should be talking 80% of the time
Ask specific, open-ended questions that encourage storytelling rather than generic questions answerable by Google
Build genuine rapport by finding common ground, actively listening, and treating them like a person, not just a networking target
Respect their time by staying within the agreed timeframe and being concise in your questions and responses
Follow up thoughtfully with a thank-you email within 24 hours and stay in touch appropriately over time

Avoid the common mistakes:

Showing up unprepared or asking easily Googleable questions
Being too transactional by immediately asking for referrals or interviews
Discussing compensation, hours, or exit opportunities in early conversations
Dominating the conversation or failing to actively listen and engage
Neglecting follow-up or sending careless thank-you emails

Remember that bankers are evaluating you throughout the coffee chat. They're asking themselves whether you'd represent the firm well with clients, whether you'd be pleasant to work with during 80-hour weeks, and whether you have the judgment and professionalism needed for banking. Every aspect of how you conduct yourself, from preparation to follow-up, factors into that evaluation.

Conclusion

Mastering coffee chat etiquette is about more than following rules, it's about developing the judgment, professionalism, and relationship-building skills that make you successful in investment banking. The candidates who excel at coffee chats are the same ones who later excel at client meetings, because both require preparation, active listening, asking thoughtful questions, and building genuine rapport.

As you schedule and conduct coffee chats throughout your recruiting process, focus on quality over quantity. A dozen well-prepared, thoughtful conversations where you build real connections will serve you far better than thirty rushed, generic networking calls. Take the time to research each banker, craft specific questions for their background, and engage authentically in the conversation.

The relationships you build during coffee chats often extend far beyond recruiting. Many of these bankers become mentors, colleagues, and advocates throughout your career. By approaching each conversation with genuine curiosity, thorough preparation, and professional etiquette, you're not just improving your recruiting outcomes, you're building a network that will support your entire career in finance.

Start reaching out to bankers at your target firms with personalized, thoughtful messages. Prepare thoroughly for each conversation. And remember that every coffee chat is an opportunity not just to learn about investment banking, but to demonstrate that you have what it takes to succeed in this demanding but rewarding career.